Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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