Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
