Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
