I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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