Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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