He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
