how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
