Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
