Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
