I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
