I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
