i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
