Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
