Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
