I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
