I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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