watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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