"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
