Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
