i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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