i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
