I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I lost the right to judge tonight
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
