I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
