Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
