My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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