About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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