Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
