My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
