Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
