There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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