Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
