True but thats because hes a fetus.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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