either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
