Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
