at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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