Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
