I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
