His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
