It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm always down for nudity.
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