I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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