I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
