My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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