you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
