He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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