i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
