just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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