i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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