butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
