We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
