This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
